just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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