I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
