from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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