Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
