i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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