So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
