He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize