my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
