These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
