So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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