I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
