did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
