for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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