just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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