You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
