I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
