There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
zippers are such a cool invention
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
