i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
