The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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