do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You left your phone here
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