I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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