Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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