I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
