am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize