My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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