I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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