Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
