I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
