Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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