My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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