Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
