OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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