This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
