yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
