Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
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