just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
