We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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