Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Randomize
