Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
