do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
