I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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