i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There's always time for handjobs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
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