You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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