the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
