He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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