he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
