If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
