i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Michael Bay diarrhea
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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