I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i drank out of a bidet.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
