have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
