I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Fuck appropriateness.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
