Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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