thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
All I want is dick and wine.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize