Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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