And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
