Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
