you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
