Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Panties = found
Randomize
