I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
