if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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