He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
