I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
