I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Randomize
