Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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