My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think we might need a safe word for this...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
