just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
