Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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