He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
