Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize