Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i need some magic done to my vagina
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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