pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
