Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
